Goodbye, Old-Timer

Day 8 of entry, stressful summer.


I thought about my grandmother again in my teacher's car. I was still a kid back then when I don't know why she was sent to the hospital. The nurse said she was sick and we have to pray hard for her being better. Seeing her being pushed into the emergency room and the door just shut suddenly and prevented us for going in, I realized, she was dying. I was so stupid that I figured out later, they won't tell me anything that my grandmother is dying. That's the first time I cried so hard, so hard that I wished even the slight chance for her not to go away. She past away in the end, died peacefully. I can't believe she's gone, gone and I'll never see her old smile ever again. I don't have the appetite for supper while they bought instant cup noodles for a midnight snack. They still have a mind for food while the death of my grandmother. I miss accompanying her up the stairs. I miss going for a walk with her at the park in the morning. I miss her taking me for a ride in my grandfather's car. I miss everything. Three months later, I asked my cousin how my grandmother died when I finally get the chance to ask, she said it was me. --- I'm the one who made her past away. Around a year before she died, I got sick and she caught the sickness(on what she thinks). Few years ago when I started to think straight, she died as it was her time, her time of living is already up. The first and last time I felt her was a few months ago, when I smelled a very old scent in the master bedroom, which was hers before she past away.

The holiday is up now, and I still have piles of assignments to do, I have to go back to that lousy school of the picky and snobbish head mistress for rehersals, finish my manga works, and help my teacher in her new tuition centre. She will stop teaching our school next year and open her business in her new centre, she asked me to help her out by decorating and she'll fetch me there and fetch me back ('cuz the place was damn far from my house) yet giving me free food supplies XD. She asked about my works in the car and I told her I have a part-time job teaching a kid "so-called" cartoon drawing, she said I made a good use of my talents and advised my to post my works on the newspapers. "Talent" she said. If my manga and art skill is a talent, why do I feel it's destroying my life though I liked it so much??

By the way, here's a sample of my artworks which I promised to post it on. It's a sample though and it's not done yet, I have to put on screen-tones and add speech bubbles. hope to finish it fast so I can send it off.