Obstacles 阻碍

Day 2 of entry, Humidity strikes.


Yesterday, I received a message from Yourin at 8.30am says he's coming over "now", makes me want to strangle him for waking me from my sleep (XD)... Didn't really want to have curry for breakfast as I puked out curry yesterday, instead I had a piece of bread... He came though, as I kept staring at the Play Station 2 he promised to bring( I wanna play with it, ... badly). He brought a violin as welll, maybe to show me some stunts he'd just learnt. He's not himself that time, as if he's having some problems in his mind..

It's Play Station 2 time before lunch, he introduced me a game of Fatal Frame ll, where taking photos to kill/exorcises spirits and etc., it's kind of creepy though I'm not scared of it, but I let the killing to Yourin while I do the walking and some stuff... While introducing Need For Speed Underground ll, he noticed that my brother is a Need For Speed enthusiast and asked him :"要跟我玩吗？(Wanna play with me?)" He spoke in a VERY GAY(XD) tone that time [我想歪了~]. Later he played other games which I have absolutely no interest in them, but then he played a game of The Shadow of The Colossus, a great game with great graphics yet realistic. I played Fatal Frame lll after that.

Few hours later after he went home, still thinking of the Play Station 2, wanting to own one someday (really?), we chat through the Internet and I made him spill his problems. I have a friend once who had the similar problem with him though. I was thinking, wouldn't it be great if he's a Yaoi character (XD)??

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Haven't started an artwork yet today, or maybe my inspiration's not coming back to me yet... What should I draw? What other stories to think of? What tragedy should happen to my characters? When will I start my whole story? Will I be able to finish this whole project before November? Do I have enough time? Will I succeed? Do I have the skills to do it? Much more questions I asked myself...

Have to study today, got a massive headache after having two hours of Math tuition. I so hate my school's Math, I not going to learn it as I will be graduated that time yet not taking the exams which that kind of Math will be in the syllables (...screw school). During lunch my mum suddenly ask about Yourin who came yesterday. She said his very 斯文(gentle??) even in the way he speaks(XD). Still having headaches, still can't rest.

I've been thinking, what is my true personality? I was always quiet and cold for the past few years and I acted out being happy and friendly to others this year as this has become a part of my life. Yes I am having more friends and a better life this year but is this really me? Which is it? Have I been faking myself this whole time? Am I the fake one? Or am I still the quiet me? This year when people are not around, I started to feel my quiet self again...


" --- CROSS, You Are Yourself. Isn't it right to change yourself for the better future? You are great, and you will be great."